Punk'd!
by Fatal Error
Summary: Mello replaces Ashton Kutcher as host for the Death Note edition episodes of Punk'd! Crack. Crack. Crack. Don't read if you are not prepared for total crack.


**Summary:** Mello takes on Ashton Kutcher's role as the host of _"Punk'd_" for some special Death Note edition episodes.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note or Punk'd, wish I owned Mello and Ashton Kutcher though(So I could punk them all night). S2

**A.N: **I fail at writing anything but crack...oh well. I just got _"The Used"_'s new CD and ever since I put it into my disc drive I've been writing non-stop crack all day...yep...I wrote this in ten minutes too. Most of the language is _-bleep-_ed out because that is how it is done on the_ real _"Punk'd".

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Mello sits alone on a tall stool in the middle of an empty room; a black sheet is used as the backdrop behind him. He lifts his left combat boot, resting it on one of the rungs around the stool as he stares evilly into the center camera; the footage has been edited to be grayscale, a smaller side shot from the right is also present in the top left corner of the viewers television screen. 

"Hello Mother-_beep-'_s! Welcome to Punk'd, Death Note edition! I'm your host Mihael Kheel, but you can call me Mello… And if you don't I will hunt you down and ice you all."

The blonde grins and turns to face the side camera.

"You know what I really hate?" Mello says sarcastically, "Have you ever seen one of those Model Scouts who sit at beauty salons and wait for a poor unsuspecting customers who is just stupid enough to buy into one of their 'Wow, has anyone ever told you that you could be a model?' pitches. Then they offer you one of those fake photo shoot things for only five-hundred dollars or something and all you get out of it are a couple rip-off un-professional photos abounding in red eye and bad camera angles?"

Mello turns back to the center camera.

"Yeah so I used to want to be a model, SUE ME!" Mello flips his silky blonde hair and pushes his shoulder forward in a typical model pose. "But today an unsuspecting Aizawa is about to get an offer he can't possibly refuse. Yeah, people should really read the fine print on these things."

"Light has asked Aizawa to get a haircut so he is less conspicuous when investigating for the police force. But when a Modeling Scout offers Aizawa five thousand dollars and a Porche to do a photo shoot, how can he turn down a deal like that? That is, until he finds out what kind of magazine he will be posing for..." Mello lets out a cute amused laugh.

The scene cuts to a picture of a tall blonde man from _'Queer style For the Heterosexual Man'_. Mello's voice is heard from off-screen.

"Harrison Lesley will be guest starring as the modeling scout 'Andrew Jones'."

The picture of the blonde man is replaced by one of another man with dark hair and large sunglasses.

"Jamie will take on the role of the photographer 'Mr. Siffle'."

Again the picture changes to another man with blonde streaks in his hair and a cheesy grin on his face.

"Greg will be acting as 'Sam' the gay hairdresser slash model."

Once more a new picture flashes onto the screen. This time of of a slender chipper looking woman in a long pink skirt, ruffley blouse, and a pair of expensive pumps.

"Alex will be playing the photographer's assistant 'Jenniffer'."

The cameras are turned again to focus solely on Mello's face.

"I don't care how pretty I am," Mello smirks into the camera lens and gestures towards his face "there is no way I'd sign up for that kind of modeling job….Okay maybe for the Porsche…." The blonde laughs and points into the camera. "Aizawa, you're about to be PUNK'D!"

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Aizawa pushes the door of the "Glamour Cuts" beauty salon open and walks to the front counter where a short squat woman is filing her nails.

"May I help you?" She asks.

"I have a 2:00 appointment to get my haircut." Aizawa answers politely.

"Ah, I see" The woman behind the desks turns her swivel chair around to face the computer on her desk. "Okay, Sam will be right with you, you can take a seat over there." The woman points to a group of chairs positioned around a coffee table in the waiting area.

Aizawa sits on one of the chairs and sifts through the many assorted magazines laying on the table in front of the chairs. But before he is able to finish the first page in this month's issue of "Guide Post" he is interrupted by a skinny man in a button up blue polo and a pair of black slacks. His hair has been highlighted with blonde streaks which looks somewhat strange in contrast to his dark eyebrows.

"Hello Aizawa!" He says in a chipper, breathy voice, "I am Sam and I will be cutting your hair today. By the way I like your name; it is very Oriental-sounding. I just love kimonos; they are so tres chic!" Sam giggles. "Just follow me right over here and we will get started on your hair."

Sam walks into the next room with Aizawa following behind. Both walls are covered in mirrors and there is a row of barber chairs lining each side. Aizawa takes a seat on the end-most chair. Sam stands behind the chair, grinning into the mirror.

"So Hon', anything special you want done today or is this just a basic cut?" Sam asks.

Aizawa looks kind of nervous having a man cut his hair, but he goes along with it and answers after a slight pause. "No, whatever is fine, or something non-conspicuous."

"Got it." Sam says and picks up a pair of barber's scissors.

About twenty minutes later Aizawa's entire fro is gone and Sam's hands are covered in styling gel as he molds the customer's hair.

"Well don't you look simply fabulous?" Sam says in a cutesy voice, but not as a question. "Do you like it?"

Aizawa runs a hand threw his hair, "It certainly is…different?"

His hair was jelled into the classic musician style, straight, sleek, and perfectly molded onto his head. Aizawa gets up and thanks Sam for his wonderful job; he then proceeds out the door into the main lobby again. He doesn't stop at the desk again however, because the cut had already been pre-paid for. The tall man is ready to push the door to the outside back open when Harrison Lesley, A.K.A. Andrew Jones steps in front of him, blocking the exit.

"Wow, nice hair! Has anyone ever told you that you should be a model?" The man asks. His voice sounds like Sam's, except slightly higher.

Aizawa shakes his head. "No sir, but I'm not interested in being a model, I actually work for the police and-"

Andrew cuts him off. "Oh that is a shame, your look is exactly the one we've been searching for." He makes a frame with his two thumbs and index fingers, looking through it at Aizawa's face. "Listen I am gonna make you an offer. How about you do one photo shoot for my employer and I will give you five thousand dollars and a Porsche?" Andrew pulls a contract and pen out of his back pocket and extends them toward Aizawa.

"A-a Porsche?" Aizawa's eyes bug.

"Yeah! It is worth it, your hair is fabulous!" Andrew says.

"Alright" Aizawa agrees, "Where do I sign?"

Andrew points to a dotted line at the bottom of the paper, and Aizawa signs it hastily.

"Follow me," Andrew says and pushes the door open, "My limo is waiting outside."

Both men walk out the door, the chauffer is waiting by the limo with the car doors open for Andrew and Aizawa to get in. Once they are all seated the car starts moving.

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The scene cuts to a modeling studio where there are three men, including Aizawa, standing in front of a fake set made to look like a room from a playboy mansion. A woman in a pink skirt is standing on the other side of the room conversing with a female make up artist.

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"Hey Jamie, have Alex bring in the costume." Mello says into the mic which connects him to the earpiece in Jamie's ear

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"Jenniffer!" The man calls towards the two girls. The girl in the pink skirt snaps her head around to look at her boss, "Jenniffer could you get the man his costume?"

The camera zooms in on Aizawa'a face, he looks kind of nervous, and probably hadn't been expecting that he would have to change his clothes. Jenniffer runs off into a nearby room and comes out several minutes later with a playboy bunny suit complete with fishnet stockings and all draped across her arms.

Looking at the clothes in her hands, Aizawa's nervous expression changes to one of total shock, but he then laughs dryly. Most likely assuming they are for the girl he will be modeling with.

After several minutes of Aizawa not moving and none of the four speaking, Mr Siflfle breaks the silence. "Well I am not paying you five thousand dollars to sit there and stare at your costume. Get your skinny white ass dressed." He says curtly.

Aizawa's words falter as he tries to speak, "I…Eh….Wh-You are kidding right?!" the camera shot is zoomed onto the extremely confused expression on his face.

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Mello laughs at Aizawa's expression from the control room. "Dude Jamie, bring up the contract." he speaks into the mic again, "Tell him you can do whatever you want with him!"

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The camera shot goes back to a full shot. Mr. Siffle looks at Aizawa angrily; he rips the costume out of Jenniffer's hand and throws it at Aizawa. "You signed a legally binding contract, and in that contract it states that, to put it bluntly, I own you for the next two hours, and you will do whatever I tell you to."

"What?! No way I-" Aizawa starts.

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"Okay, bring Greg back in now." Mello's voice says through Jamie's earpiece.

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The photographer makes a disgusted face and cuts off Aizawa's sentence, yelling in the direction of the door that Jenniffer just came out of. "Sam! Sam get in here!!"

Sam, whom Aizawa recognizes as the hairdresser, steps through the door smiling. He winks at Aizawa in recognition, and spins in a circle showing off the rich man's suit he is dressed in..

"Aizawa this is who you will be doing the photo shoot with." Mr. Siffle says hostily.

"What the hell?!" Aizawa loses his cool, "What kind of magazine is this!!! There is no_ -bleep-_ way...This is a joke right?"

Sam giggles, "Of course not! It's Maxmen. It is the men for men version of Playboy, DUH!" He says.

"What?!" Aizawa yells. "There is no _–bleep-_ way I am going to _–bleep- _pose in a _-bleep-_ bunny outfit for your fag mag!" he looks near to tears in frustration. "I am not a gayboy bunny!!"

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Mello is laughing loudly in the control room. "Andrew Jenniffer, take a step back, Jamie just totally lay into him!" Mello continues to laugh.

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Andrew and Jennifer step back, trying to stay un-involved.

Mr. Siffle gets right in Aizawa's face and starts yelling back at him. "You signed a _–bleep-_ contract so you are gonna do what I _–bleep-_ tell you to! It says right here at the bottom what kind of magazine this is. Maybe next time you should read the fine print!"

"No, you know what-" Aizawa starts talking faster the photographer is talking over him."I have the obligation to sue you sir-" Mr. Siffle argues. Both men try to talk each other down as they scream and curse angrily. Aizawa is finally sick of fighting and walks toward the door. The camera is focused only on him as he turns to speak.

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"Okay guys, let him go. We are coming down." Mello says as he gets up and starts to make his way down the stairs.

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"This is _–bleep- _crazy man! I am out of here!" Before Aizawa can get out the door a camera crew come bursting in and surround the very angry and confused Aizawa. Alex, Jamie, Greg, and Harrison burst into hysterical laughter. Mello strides proudly through the door smilling mischievously, when Aizawa sees him he immediately turns away from the cameras and puts his hands over his face.

"_-Bleep- _Mello I can't believe you. Oh _–bleep-_! –_bleep- -bleep- -bleep_-!" Aizawa has started to actually laugh somewhat into his hands, his face is turning red. "I can't_ -bleep-_ believe you!"

"Aizawa! Aizawa man," Mello tries to get him to calm down by stepping closer and putting a hand on his shoulder, "Aizawa look at the cameras, do you know what's going on?" The focus of the camera is once again Aizawa's face, which he is still hiding in his hands as he nods. "Dude...you just got your ass punk'd!"

Aizawa laughs and faces the cameras. "Yeah I know, I know what you want me to say." A camera from the left zooms in on him and he chokes back another burst of laughter.

"My name is Aizawa, and I just got PUNK'D!"

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Note: "Maxmen" is a take off on "Maxim"...if you don't know what "Maxim" is then...that is good.

Well If people like this, I will have Mello Punk some more characters... any suggestions for characters you'd like to see Punk'd? X3

**Fatal Error**


End file.
